AvatarElleAvatarAvatarThe Year 2020 as Told By Dionne Warwick TweetsElle - ByA late-breaking Twitter sensation, there's a Dionne tweet for every 2020 situation. We've arrived at the point in December when, normally, year-end recaps start to drop and we all get to reminisce about everything that transpired over the last 12 months. This year, of course, anything that reminds …
AvatarElleAvatarAvatarSuddenly, I Am an Expert on mRNAElle - ByVaccine news and a quick Wiki search have turned everyone into armchair geneticists. I have great news about the vaccine: after a couple of hours reading Twitter, I am pleased to announce that 1) I learned what mRNA is and 2) I am now an expert on it and will be sharing my expertise in the replies …
AvatarElleAvatarAvatarWhite House Shocks with Weirdly Non-Terrifying Christmas ThemeElle - ByHuh. The Trump White House unveiled its final holiday decor theme and it's... disconcertingly normal. There are twinkling lights and all the trees are tree-colored and the hallways are not filling up with blood and, I gotta say, I'm nervous. I'm looking at these tasteful photos that do not in any …
AvatarElleAvatarAvatarThat's Ascertainment! Fate of Nation Rests on One Person Sending a LetterElle - ByToday, Emily Murphy, administrator of the General Services Administration (GSA) and a person of who you probably had never heard before she became the central figure in the slow-motion destruction of our democracy, part number 759, is scheduled to appear at a congressional hearing to answer for the …
AvatarElleAvatarAvatarActually, People's Sexiest Man Alive Is the Depressed Rockefeller Center Christmas TreeElle - ByThere are many rumors swirling around the internet that People has declared Michael B. Jordan the 2020 Sexiest Man Alive and I need to shut all that conversation down because it is not true. I'm not saying that Michael B. Jordan isn't very sexy, but I do take issue with People coming in here late and …
AvatarElleAvatarAvatarSad! Trump Fights the Tyranny of Reality, Loses AgainElle - ByIn a surprising development, Donald Trump is being super not-chill about losing the election to Joe Biden, losing the popular vote as well, watching every major news channel call the election for Joe Biden including Fox News, and witnessing hundreds of thousands take to the streets around the world …
AvatarElleAvatarAvatarRepublicans Want to Stop Starting or Start Stopping the Ballot CountElle - ByAs we head into the third day of the American Idol Election Extravaganza, members of the Republican party are bitterly divided over how best to obstruct a free and fair election. It seems no one filled out the Doodle poll labeled "Coup planning meeting" and, well, here we are. The issue is votes, …
AvatarElleAvatarAvatarTrump Should Tap Warren Beatty to Call the ElectionElle - R. Eric ThomasThe president declared himself the winner in the court of opinion—more specifically, his opinion. Though millions of votes remain uncounted in battleground states like Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Michigan, in the wee small hours of Wednesday morning Donald Trump got bored with democracy and …
AvatarElleAvatarAvatarMan of the People Will Lock Himself in Borrowed HouseElle - R. Eric ThomasThe White House is erecting an 'unscalable fence' as barricade for Election Day. Like an overpriced supermarket in a rapidly gentrifying neighborhood, the White House is boarding itself up in anticipation of Election Day. After a final week of hosting superspreader campaign events across the country …
AvatarElleAvatarAvatarIt's Officially "Not Yet" Season and Mariah Is Our Only HopeElle - R. Eric ThomasElection results? Don't know her. Every year, the festivity-loving public attempts to put Mariah Carey to work earlier and earlier. And every year Mariah, Queen of All Things Festive, must remind us that she is still has a few minutes left on her break and she'll let us know when we can throw off …
AvatarElleAvatarAvatarHelp! I've Been Invited to Too Many Celebrity Private Islands!Elle - R. Eric ThomasHumbled by the invitation but overwhelmed by the choices! Dear QuarQuar's Question Corner: I have a doozy of a problem that only you can answer. I am humbled and blessed to be friends with many celebrities, hedge fund managers, shadow governments, the odd Duke and Duchess, and assorted wealthy …
AvatarElleAvatarAvatarWe Must Find Out What the Moon Is PlottingElle - R. Eric ThomasNASA is revealing a big discovery about the Moon. What could go wrong? On Wednesday NASA teased a forthcoming "discovery" about the surface of the Moon, to be announced Monday October 26 and I would like to file a formal complaint for emotional distress. Here's the thing, hon, what we're not doing …